If we weren’t already feeling a little queasy, figuratively speaking, from the run around Caggie has given poor Spencer this summer, then we were borderline nauseous this week as Spencer quite literally drove us around and around… and around the same SW10 block.
Rather metaphorical of his on, and off, and on, and off relationship with Cagg’s, who after flaunting her Parisian lover right under Spencer’s nose in last week’s episode, was caught red handed this week, “On the streets of Chelsea no less,” Hugo chastised.
“She has caused a wound on me, and she is pouring salt into it,” Spencer fumed as Hugo tried to make light of a tedious situation which has now spun full circle. Move over Cheryl, if things get any worse for the young bachelor, the nations sweetheart card may be up for grabs; there are just too many ‘players’ in Chelsea.
Spencer was not the only one at worlds end this week, Millie was feeling sick over her relationship with Hugo, “Naturally,” Alice assured, swiftly moving on to the subject of Proudlock and their looming first date.
“I think maybe mention it to Cag,” Millie suggested, and although we’ve established that Cagg’s and Al may as well be the same person, sharing men around these parts has proven uncomfortable to watch and generally bad form.
Not to worry though, Cagg’s almost skipped into the Worlds End this week, a smile on her face and street busker Thomas in tow, (every Chelsea girl has one now-a-days, or so I’ve heard) and there’s nothing like a good old language barrier to lighten the mood.
“Do you do modelling at all? You’ve got that look?” Alice broke the ice, you know, that thing you do with your face, do you do that? “Umm no.” Great well at least that’s settled, now to get on to the important stuff like how long is he staying? “Long enough to fall in love,” Millie mused, we shall see.
Moving on to a twenty-first century guy who needs no translation, Ollie was looking rather dapper in this week’s episode in preparation for what was undoubtedly the most important meeting of his life… a meeting with literary agents Curtis Brown.
“You look really, really smart, you don’t look like Ollie” Cheska pointed out, “Why don’t you wear my scarf?” she suggested. Um’ not sure airhostess was quite the look the usually flamboyant Ollie was going for. “This book means an awful lot to me guys,” he argued.
“I think the best way to break the ice, is to talk about sex” was Ollie’s opening line. According to his face, the agent was already ill at ease, “I want to talk about losing virginity, because I lost my virginity in quite an extraordinary way,” and with that, the poor guy decided to wrap up their meeting, and most probably forget it ever happened.
Post interview, Ollie joined the girls, Cheska and Binky who were sipping martinis on a liquid brunch, “Do you think we have a problem?” Binky asked Cheska. No…
If you’re looking for a present for that special someone this year, the girls listed the many ways in which Ollie’s ‘The 21st Century Man,’ could be that perfect gift. “It would be quite a good toilet book” Binky suggests, “Something you would read when going for a…” we get the idea Cheska. Thinking about it, it would go perfectly with the theme of my own toilet, that being fabulously British, complete with union jack cushions and a throne, I kid you not...
The fun really started this week as Ollie and his team of researches AKA Binky and Cheska got to work, by calling up all of their friends and asking them how they lost their virginity? In case you missed this episode, here is a summary of my personal highlights:
Francis Boulle: Devout Catholic, Virgin. Saving that story for his memoirs.
Spencer Matthews: As a young man aged 13. Disappointing. Got better since.
Millie Mackintosh: Waiting for marriage. Obviously.
Jamie Laing: Aged 14. In a bush. Possibly a shrub.
Fredrick Ferrier: Aged 17. Disney-Romantic. She was also a virgin.
“These people are never going to pick up the phone to us again,” Cheska smirked.
Moving on to a little more appropriate subject, as this is Chelsea darlings, we remembered the armistice this weekend, and it was smashing to see the young and socially elite play their part thanks to Amber’s charitable spirit during in this weeks episode. Tea and cake anyone?
With the help of Mark Francis, Amber decided to organise one splendid tea party, and the Royal Chelsea Hospital provided a delightful backdrop for a charity bake sale to commemorate our local hero’s. “These guys have the most heroic stories,” Hugo got into the spirit, “they’ll be like, I conquered the beach at Normandy, and I’ll be like, I conquered the Kings Road.” Hmm, a worthy comparison there Hugo old boy.
Speaking of backdrops, elsewhere, St Pauls provided Cagg’s and Thomas with a very patriotic setting as they practiced French kissing. Showing him the sites of London, Cagg’s taught Thomas a few words in English too. “Can you say gherkin?”
“Oh my goodness,” Alice gasped meanwhile as she turned up at the Skiff Club in Teddington. “Is he rowing a boat?” Indeed, Captain Proudlock picked up his date in a skiff this week and they rowed happily into the sunset sipping champaign and nibbling on strawberries.
Meanwhile at the Chelsea Hospital, the tea party was underway, with some interesting cakes amongst the stands. Gabriella’s Marks and Spencer caterpillar contribution didn’t go unmissed, however a more cunning Spencer, who made a new friend this week, a delightful old chap, let him into a little secret. “I put my heart and soul into making that cheesecake, my friend Paul helped,” he smirked, “Do you know Paul?” Yes, we know Paul’s Bakery very well Spencer. “But don’t tell anyone.”
Apparently there’s not enough going on to entertain Jamie, who whipped out a hippie flask, pouring the strangest looking “milk” into Millie’s cup of tea, however it wasn’t long though before the drama began…
Leaving him stood up in a bar after he hopped aboard the Eurostar from Paris to see her, Cagg’s ditched Thomas in an attempt to make things up to Spencer, although her sacrifice was in vein, as Spencer simply refused to talk to her.
It seems Cagg’s won’t be able to pout her way out of this one, “and so in the words of Mary Antoinette, let them eat cake.”
NEXT TIME: Jamie has a shock confession for the boys, Cheska announces that she’s moving in with Ollie and a toast from Millie causes quite a stir. Find out what happens on next week’s Made in Chelsea.
Rachael Grace is reviewing Made in Chelsea which is on Mondays, E4 at 10pm.
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